Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
