i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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