ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
