Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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