your room smells of hookers.
And success
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
