i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
false alarm, still single
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