Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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