It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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