one word: firstdatebathroomanal
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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