I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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