I want to have your abortion
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
