I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
