I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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