i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
