My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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