I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
