Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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