So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
