smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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