well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
