Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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