your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
