One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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