pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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