Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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