operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
