you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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