I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
