And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
