what day is it and did you see me today?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
