Do you still have your period?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize