It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
