my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
