Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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