just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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