"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
