then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
