he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize