She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize