nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize