I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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