i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
