I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
