Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
