so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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