I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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