and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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