We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize