It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize