so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
