i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
