Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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