I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
