this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
