The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
