Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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