No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just invented taco cereal.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
