SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
