No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
