Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
