you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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