susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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