i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize