just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
