dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
bring money and cleavage
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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