He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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