How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
