how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
